This also thanks to my good friend Bill Sobel of the NEW YORK: MEDIA INFORMATION EXCHANGE GROUP or NY:MIEG (if you are interested on getting on his list send me a note or join here).



Bill's friend Ramon Ray, founder of smallbiztechnology.com forwarded him an exerpt from a the recently published book "Truth or Delusion? Busting Networking's Biggest Myths"by Ivan Misner

Truth or Delusion? For maximum referral impact, you should cultivate relationships primarily with the movers and shakers in your community.

This one's also a delusion. The common perception is to look for influential individuals who will hopefully be able to provide large referrals for your business that will result in big sales.

I once heard a very interesting story that really brings this point home. A few years back, I was chatting with a local business owner I knew about the impact that all types of people can have on our referral business. The man owned a window covering business. During our conversation, he proceeded to tell me about a referral he got from a rather unassuming man he knew. It seems that this man's friend, an elderly woman living nearby, had one small window on a back door that needed a roll-up screen and he could find no other window covering business that would be interested in coming out to her house to measure and quote her on such a small job.

My acquaintance continued this story by recounting how he willingly agreed to take care of the job, much to the man's relief. About two weeks later, a large, black stretch limo pulled up in front of his store. A very well-dressed man in a custom-tailored suit and fine Italian leather dress shoes stepped out and came into his store. It was this little old lady's son! He had been very impressed with the work done at his mother's house and wanted to do business with my friend. He had just purchased a 6,000-square-foot house in Malibu and wanted my friend to handle all the window coverings on an unlimited budget (visualize with me all the windows in a really large house right on the ocean).

This is a great example of how a seemingly non-influential individual could provide you with a great contact. The point is to stop networking like a big-game hunter and approach networking more like farming. Cultivate all types of relationships with the clear understanding and knowledge that this is how networking works. You never know whom it is who knows just the right person to introduce to your business.

Focus on the quality of the relationships you develop and cultivate those relationships on all levels. The diversity of your contacts is much more important than looking for the "big guys." You'll be amazed how much better this approach works in the long run.

Truth or Delusion? People who like, care and respect you will refer business to you.
You guessed it: This is absolutely a delusion! How often do you regularly get a referral from your mom? Yet you'd certainly be right to expect a referral relationship from those closest to you, such as friends, family members and other close associates.

The problem is, we don't remember that we need to train the people with whom we have the closest relationships on how to refer business to us. It's true! We need to educate them as well on how to listen for people who might need our products.

Teach those closest to you to listen for the "language of referrals." When people say words like "I want" "I need" "I can't" "I wish" or "I don't know who," whatever they say next could be a referral. When we teach our referral sources how to listen to the language of referrals, then we provide the tools for them to refer business to us.

Truth or Delusion? It's best to limit the number of networking groups you belong to.
Truth! Networking is more about farming than it is about hunting. This means you need time to cultivate the contacts you make. In a recent survey of almost 1,800 businesspeople my company did, almost 32 percent of respondents attended eight or more networking events a month. One-third of that group attended between 12 and 20 networking events a month!

Building your business through word of mouth is not a contest to see who can attend the most meetings. It's about building the best relationships! Therefore, you must be selective about your efforts and focus not only on attending meetings but also on building bonds with the people you meet at those meetings. Unfortunately, it's all too common for businesspeople to focus on breadth--not depth--in their networking.

Truth or Delusion? The best way to ensure referral success is to follow the Golden Rule: Treat your referral sources the way you would want to be treated.
Unfortunately, again, this is a delusion. While this may seem like a "trick question," it's not. All too often we deal with our referral sources the way we'd want to be treated. If we want to strike a chord with them, however, we need to keep in mind that it's important to remember what they want and need. The referral process is more emotional than it is factual. It's crucial that you find out what's important to the referral source in order to maintain and develop the relationship.

Truth or Delusion? Referral marketing is the safest form of advertising.
This one's definitely a delusion! When you give a referral, you give a little of your reputation away. If the business you've referred someone to does a good job, it helps your reputation. But if they do a poor job, your reputation may be hurt.

The payoffs of referral marketing are immense--when done right! But it involves a really big risk: giving away a piece of your reputation every time you give a referral to someone. When you tell a valued customer that a friend of yours is going to take good care of them, you must have confidence in that friend. But what happens if your friend lets your customer down? It comes back to haunt you. Your customer begins to lose faith in you, and because of that loss of faith, you just might lose that customer down the road. This is why it's so important to develop strong relationships with those to whom you're referring business and vice versa. Once those strong connections are forged, you can rest easy, knowing when you tell someone a business associate or networking partner is going to take good care of him or her, that will happen.

Truth or Delusion? For maximum referral impact, you should cultivate relationships primarily with the movers and shakers in your community.

As many of you know I have never been in favor of this. In the case of Linkedin, this can work poorly for you and your network since request for contact with other parties passing through you must go through your most the mutual contact with the most connections. So even if your best friend knows the target someone in your network wished to reach you must send the request on through the guy you barely know with 500 plus connections.

As many things in life you will get more from those who truly know you then you will ever get from someone you happened to meet once briefly.

Truth or Delusion? People who like, care and respect you will refer business to you.
You guessed it: This is absolutely a delusion! How often do you regularly get a referral from your mom? Yet you'd certainly be right to expect a referral relationship from those closest to you, such as friends, family members and other close associates.

If you expect others to further your cause you will be disappointed. Most people in life can not deal well with an abstract request or even a specific request that they lack the expertise to handle. So your mother may do business with one of the founders of Microsoft but that will not further your networking efforts or for that matter help you launch a software empire of your own at all.

If you have a need you must formulate a specific request and communicate that need and the action expected of those you are connected to in an exact form.

So for example if I wanted to use all of my connections in ExecTec to help increase membership I would need to reach out to specific members and request them to find specific types of potential members to introduce me to. If what you need and how to help you achieve it is not clear to your network then your request will not be effective.

Truth or Delusion? It's best to limit the number of networking groups you belong to.

Obviously with the exception of ExecTec I agree. But seriously, you can go to all kinds of events but you are best to spend your effort in places where you make deep quality connections. I specifically do not have fascinating speakers which would attract a crowd, since many would be there solely to get at the few movers and shakers and these people do not understand networking and therefore bring no value.

My hope is that those who attend ExecTec will find that they make deep and useful connections that will lead to serious networking and which will through the years return serious value.

You will not meet Bill Gates, Sir Howard Stringer or the power broker of your dreams at ExecTec but I promise you will meet people who can and will connect you to those people if you have the need and you learn to network.

Truth or Delusion? The best way to ensure referral success is to follow the Golden Rule: Treat your referral sources the way you would want to be treated.

I agree with the author close but no cigar. I may wish to be introduced to anyone and everyone but my good friend and contact Steve may wish only to be introduced to certain types of people.

You need to ask and know what it is those in your network are looking for. If you are networking effectively and staying in touch with your network you should know what their needs, desires and styles for networking are.

For me the key is give more then you take or request and always ask what it is you can do for others.

Truth or Delusion? Referral marketing is the safest form of advertising.

You are your best form of marketing. Not all connections work out. If your value is solely based on the performance of others are you really worth anything at all. For me my hope is that I am know to be a person well worth knowing for my skills, knowledge and for generally being a good guy.

If I can help you connect with someone that works out for you great and if it does not work out then at least I will be known as someone who tried to help the cause.